Posted on April 11, 2016
Applying Wisdom in Relationships is the Secret Ingredient
Do you consider yourself wise? Do you practice using wisdom in decision-making when it comes to relating to other people? I mainly want to focus on relationships and how wisdom comes into play when relating to people. Having and using good wisdom is one of the best ways to get along with others while maintaining peace in our own lives.
Several years ago I worked at a company who hired a plant manager to oversee all production areas. The first few months he was there each of us got along nicely. He had his new ideas and rules which were fine and we adhered to them. Then one day he went from Jekyll to Hyde, he would come to work like a bull dozer yelling and arguing with all of the employees. Naturally, we instantly were defensive and some (including myself) took to the bait and went to his level of the same type of behavior. What do you think happened? If you guess a larger eruption, you would be correct. Sadly, I did not use sound wisdom or good decision-making during those dark days of being under the rule of King Kong. (King Kong was my secret nick name for him).
This is where wisdom comes to into play. We are wise when we choose to plant the seeds of peace in our lives. Don’t antagonize someone’s anger, the world is full of angry and hurting people. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “hurting people hurt people” when someone spouts off or acts ugly, what is really going on inside that person? There are things in our lives that happen that others have no clue about. We are quick to react to what people say and ignore how people feel. There is usually a reason why people act the way they do.
Now, getting back to my story with the new manager. By me acting like him, I was antagonizing him and pushing his hot buttons. Nothing good came out of the arguing it was all bad. I was putting gasoline on the raging fire, causing more damage to take place. Of course it is very hard to “turn the other cheek.” We think in our minds that the person who was sarcastic to us, or flipped us off on the highway deserves the same like treatment, but in reality it is only ourselves who is being hurt.
To use good wisdom in relationships never engage in the 3 C’s: compare, condemn or contradict. Have you ever been compared to an ex-girlfriend/boyfriend or one of your siblings? Not fun! Have you ever done something foolish or embarrassing only to hear a friend’s condemning remark, “I would never do that..how stupid.” Or have you been out with a couple for dinner and one of them is telling a story while the other is interrupting and contradicting the other? How embarrassing that is.
Wisdom is the art of knowing what to overlook~ William James
How about when we speak to people or answer them? Have you ever been in the middle of something pressing and someone comes up and interrupts you wanting something done immediately? I have, and sad to admit I wasn’t so nice. Wisdom says to use gentle words because they are a tree of life. This also goes in the opposite direction when someone isn’t speaking so nicely to us, wisdom says to answer with gentle words because it more than likely to defuse the anger in the other person and bring the conversation to a normal tone.
The ground level foundation for all relationships first starts with integrity. From integrity builds trust from trust is honesty. If you want to be wise in relationships, you can’t compromise your integrity. Everyone wants peace and solid relationships, unfortunately we can’t get through life without some sort of conflict with others, but using wisdom when choosing our words and deciding beforehand how we will react to others is a good start in the right direction.